Rules and Guidelines
Affirmations:
- I learn to be a good teacher by learning from good teachers.
- I learn to forgive by being with those who are forgiving.
- I learn to follow guidelines by from those who follow clear guidelines.
- I learn respect, responsibility and cooperation from those who are respectful, responsible and cooperative.
GUIDELINES FOR FUNCTIONAL FAMILIES below.
May 16, 2024 Loving Reminders - Rules and Guidelines
Everyone benefits from simple routine and structure. Children need defined rules and guidelines. Humanity needs to learn what is right and good. Families function better with simple rules for all.
When home life is peaceful and organized, everyone benefits. When there is respectful interaction, everyone benefits. When there are no demands or threats, everyone feels safe. When families are respectful, responsible and cooperative, everyone feels loved.
Children learn more easily with system, structure and routine. There is more focus and less distraction. There is more quiet and less yelling. There is more respect and less arguing.
As grandparents of children and teens, we experience no arguments or disrespect. The key for us is to treat everyone, as we want to be treated. We respect ourselves and are responsible for what we do and say. We take care of each other, our relationships and home.
We, the adults, set a good example consistently. There is please and thank you for everyone. There is no arguing or fighting. There is no swearing or negative behavior. There is no yelling or demanding. There are respectful requests. There is kindness and consideration of each individual. There is simple routine morning and evening. There are simple rules for others who come into our home. Anyone who needs to yell or run around or wrestle can go outside to do it. Children pick up after themselves at the end of the day. We all keep our home orderly and organized. Meals are together at the table. Bedtime is at 10 PM after dessert and a fun movie or game together. People respect one another because that keeps the peace. When adults remind the children, little needs to be said and always with respect.
Children behave as the adults expect them to behave. Children respond to the adults as they are taught to respond. Children copy adult behavior and learn from how adults respond. Children observe and learn what works and maintain the most effective behavior.
Adults must pay attention to what they are thinking, doing and saying. Children pick up on subtleties in tone, attitude, feelings and listen to adult conversations for cues. Children are extremely sensitive and perceptive and practice whatever gets the love and safety they want. Children seek to be successful in getting their own needs me.
When adults are clear and concise in their requests, children will learn the first time. When children are distracted, confused or forgetful, they may not get the message. It is important for adults to pay attention and learn how children learn best. Nagging, criticizing, ridiculing, threatening or shaming are not effective with children or adults
Adults need to learn what works best to raise the children we want to live with. I am learning everyday from all the people in my life, both children and adults.
Qualities of Functional Families Respect Respect is the Holy Grail of functional families. Being considerate of each other is the tie that binds, even more than love. Emotionally Safe Environment All members of the family can state their opinions, thoughts, wants, dreams, desires and feelings without fear of being slammed, shamed, belittled or dismissed. Resilient Foundation Healthy relationships can withstand stress, even trauma, and, if not bounce back, at least recover. Part of building resilience is being supportive of each other, no matter what. Privacy Privacy of space, body and thought. Knock and ask permission to enter before going through a closed door. Provide and respect clear boundaries. Accountability Being accountable means respectfully and reasonably informing people in the family where you are and what you are doing so they can grow trust and not worry. Apologize When you make a mistake or overstep, quickly apologize, then ask for (and receive) forgiveness. Allow Reasonable Expression of Emotions Expressions of unhappiness or hurt can be accepted and responded to with respect. Gentle on Teasing and Sarcasm Don’t use either as a poorly masked put down. Allows People to Change and Grow A functional family lets people define themselves—and change those definitions. No “labelling”. Parenting is Co-Parenting Parents, divorced or married, support the same standards and messages so children experience consistency. Courtesy Liberally use ‘please’ or ‘thank you’, ‘you’re welcome’ or ‘I’m sorry’. Teamwork Functional families play, work and problem solve together. Eat Meals Together Research shows that communication within a family is enhanced if we take more meals together. Follow The Golden Rule “Treat each other as we wish to be treated.” It was true way back when and it’s still true now.
Loving to learn, Betty Lue
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