Respectful Listening

Listen with Respect!

Listen without interrupting. Listen with out arguing. Listen with consideration. Listen without defensiveness.

When we learn to listen to one another with an open mind, we will learn to be kind. When we learn to see what others see we will broaden our reality. When we open to find a way to agree, we begin to feel our unity. When we stop to consider everyone see differently, we find our respect for humanity.

It is essential to begin a different way to communicate. The word “communicate” is finding the unity within our way to listen and speak. We are able to seek the agreement within our different perceptions. We can understand and respect our differences, without doing blaming or shaming.

Communication in families and friendships is often unconsciously based on what we have learned. Without changing our negative habits, we are doomed to repeat them. When we do to others what we want them to do for us, we learn a better way. When we become conscious in choosing respectful communication, we change fear to love.

All of us have unconscious and limiting habits, excuses and justifications, beliefs and rules. We have adopted what we say and do from what we learned and used from past encounters. Parents, authorizes, teachers, etc override children and those with lesser education or experience. The seemingly powerful often fail to listen and learn from those who seem quiet or inexperienced.

It is essential to harmonize, to heal and grow, to create a better world with harmonious relationships. We can stop fighting and harmful communication with the simple pattern interrupt of “time out”. Take time to take care of ourselves, step away and find the calm center within. Ask yourself to really care enough to listen to what is needed to bring peace.

There is no need to win at another’s expense. It is not helpful to override the other. It will not be beneficial to either to build resentment and fear. It is problematic to continue behaviors which are disrespectful to both.

What is the helpful encouraging way to begin . Listen first to understand. Stop making up your mind “to be right:. Let go of the need to win and to fight.

Choose the goal of coming together with kindness and respect. Seek to bring peace and consideration. Give to the other the time and space to be heard. Learn to love one another and give them your respect.

This is the way to bring peace to all relationships. Communicate with respect. I trust you to respect yourself and others.

Successful Communication Keys: Calm tone of voice and be on the same level. Ask permission to speak Tune in to where they are with desire to understand. Give what will create the greatest safety and respect. Talk with kindness and in private. Step away until both parties are calm. Use time-outs as needed. Defuse the stress, urgency and upset, before attempting to talk. Be clear when you don’t have time or patience to listen. Write communication to avoid confrontations and arguments. Allow all parties time to think about their needs and possible equitable solutions. Encourage using “I feel….., I want…… and I am willing……… Seek cooperative agreement, rather than punishment, threat or demand. Open your heart to understand (“Walk in their shoes”) Choose an outcome where everyone wins.

Loving you, Betty Lue

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