Specialness

Where we are attracted or repulsed, we have something to learn. Wherever we are not neutral, there is value to be received from our relationships. When there is simply easy natural love, respect and appreciation flowing there is no intensity. When we make someone especially fabulous or especially awful, there is learning value.

Special Love can be utilized as a prototype for all loving relationships. When you love someone in a healthy way, you can generalize and apply that loving to all relationships. When you become attached to a special love, you may become dependent on getting something back. When you are needy in a loving relationship, you are vulnerable and open to hurt, resentment and anger.

Special Relationships are transformed into Healing and Holy relationships, when you look for your needs and find a way to heal them and fill them without dependency. When two trees grow by leaning on one another, if one falls down or gets sick, the other is likely to fall down or get sick as well. When two people are dependent on the other to get the Love they Need, they will be angry or hurt if the other gets sick, or becomes distracted or disinterested or puts their attention elsewhere (like on a new baby or ailing parent.)

All relationships are for the purpose of healing. So when there is a form of neediness or greediness in relationship, it shows us where we need healing. The need for another’s attention defines a need to give ourselves extra attention. The need for affection indicates a need to give and receive attention. When we specialize and make one person the sole object of our need, we limit our love and the possibility that life offers a broad spectrum of loving opportunities. When we love one child more than the others, it indicates our need for what that child offers. When we love one friend more than others, it shows us where we are lacking or self denying or have learned to prize some quality that is missing in our lives.

Special hate (dislike) arises because another did not meet our expectation. When we are disappointed in what we expect and receive from others, we ma fee hurt and angry. The anger covers the hurt. When we stop counting on other’s to perform to our standard, and learn to love n accept others as they are, we find a path of peace and inner-generated happiness. When we are dependent on others giving us what we want, we love and appreciate them when they give what we expect and demand. We hate, fear or are angry when they do not (cannot ) give us what we expect and demand.

Remember everyone is doing the best they can in the moment…including you and me. Remember everyone has better and worse days and moments..including you and me. The key to healthy relationship is how we handle the days when we and others are not at our best.

Loving you in letting go of your “special needs and dependencies. Betty Lue

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