Dealing with Anger

Do you know when people are angry?

Some people rage. Some cry. Some are silent. Some just glare. Some people yell. Some get quiet. Some get rational. Some are out of control. Some people withhold their anger and become sick or depressed. Some people use their anger to inspire them to do something constructive. Some people allow their anger to hurt or destroy what they have created. Some people are passively aggressive and use covert anger to get even and cause problems. Some people simply become addicted to meds, food or drugs to suppress their anger. Some people divert their anger to work or physical exercise. Some people let their anger rule their lives, and some rely on the energy to live. Everyone responds, reacts and experiences anger differently.

When people are angry, they are covering deeper feelings of hurt, fear, envy, distrust and …. When people are angry, their anger is a protection and defense against further hurt. When people are angry, they usually feel justified and righteous. When people are angry, they usually blame others for their feelings. When people are angry, they often feel victimized, frustrated and impotent. When people are angry, know there is simply a lot of energy available. When people are angry, they want to feel relief from the pent up energy of their feelings. When people are angry, they want to be right and to win. When people are angry, they may fight for what they believe. When people are angry, they have a limited perspective. When people are angry, they have difficulty listening, understanding or finding solutions.

How that energy is used or moved determines the outcome. If anger is used to construct what you value, the outcome is positive and helpful. If anger is used to destroy what you value, the outcome is negative and fearful.

How you respond or react to peoples’ anger can either increase, decrease or heal. Energy is meant to move, to be used for good or ill or simply released. How you respond to another can affect their emotional experience. The more you react with anger, the more likely the anger increases. The more you react with fear, the more likely the angry may become guilt. The more you respond with kindness, the more the anger can be diffused. The more you respond with understanding, the more the anger will be relieved. The more you listen and have compassion, the more vulnerable feelings will be expressed. The more you extend love, the more the anger will dissolve into simple authentic expression. The listener, observer, friend and therapist can do much to heal anger and fear, hurt and resistance.

Ask yourself what you might want, if you were angry. Ask yourself what is the most helpful thing you can do or say. Ask yourself to see the very best in the other person beneath their angry expression. Invite yourself to treat the other as you would want to be treated.

There is nothing to fear. Love heals.

Loving you, Betty Lue

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